Non violent communication (NVC)

Non violent communication is a method that creates relationships based on empathy, compassion, cooperation and harmonious respect for self and others.

The way we have been educated to think and communicate is a huge source of violence on this planet.

Many of us equate violence and physical violence, while there are other forms of violence. For example, the violence that people do to themselves by blaming or criticizing oneself, the abuse when using guilt and shame to have an impact on someone, etc..
So, this way, we are all involved in one way or another by violence.

The concept of nonviolent communication (NVC) has been introduced in the late 80s by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD in clinical psychology. Influenced by Carl Rogers, whom he was a student of, Rosenberg has developed a method of interpersonal communication that is simple and structured to facilitate relationships and enhance them with empathy.

Despite the impact of Carl Rogers’ work, NVC is a new discipline in Europe. It appeared a few years ago thanks to a few pioneers, including the Belgian Thomas Ansembourg. Today it has an important impact because of its intrinsic qualities, its applications to mediation.

.

We have bad communication habits :
Our environment and our socio-political education gave us poor communication habits at an early age . Our relationships education has unfortunately not taken into account relationships with others; whether in our family or at school, we receive an analytic and moralizing language that leads us “naturally” to make value judgments on what is right or wrong, to decree what should be or not, to feel guilty or blame ourselves … The impact of the words we utter is often underestimated and can lead to extreme situations.
M. B. Rosenberg shows us that it is possible to identify many turns of phrases that use the following:

* Label: we classify a person in a category;
* Put Downs: we deny the qualities of another, or reality, attributing causes to the environment or the context;
* Reproach, or worse, insult: we assign to others the responsibility for our annoyance, anger, frustration …
* Merit: we condition action to reward or punishment;
* Comparison: we evaluate ourselves against other;
* Demands: we use verbs such as “have to”, “must” … or we use an accusing and threatening “you”.

Psychology teaches us that what these structures have in common is to bring attention to others to classify, analyze and evaluate them. By taking back responsibility for our actions, our thoughts and our emotions, MB Rosenberg then invites us to identify and replace, in our language, what can induce the 6 angles identified above.
.

The 4 Stages Of Nonviolent Communication:
Rosenberg breaks down the process of nonviolent communication in four stages: observation, feelings, needs, requests. Read more…
.

Benefits of NVC:
The application of nonviolent communication in everyday life generates:

* A sincere listening to the other, that is otherwise expressed with clumsiness. NVC teaches us to understand the true intentions hidden behind the words.
* Self-respect by taking into account our feelings, our needs and respect for others by recognizing theirs.
* Empathy by accepting others and their differences, and creating a link discovering the profound qualities of each of the interlocutors.
* A reciprocal generosity, which is the corollary of the previous three paragraphs.
.

Applications of NVC:
The application fields of non-violent communication are numerous, so everyone can use this process.

* In a couple or family relations through mediation, aggressiveness management
* For a therapeutic purpose through relationship and psychology counseling, impact on self-application of NVC
* In a school environment through listening, dialogue facilitated with children.
* And finally, in the workplace, through negotiation, conflict management or aggressiveness management (client)

Visit the Center for Nonviolent Communication
.
To receive our news and articles, subscribe to our Newsletter!
.

How to communicate without violence

Nonviolent communication is a method that enables relationships based on empathy, compassion, cooperation and harmonious respect for self and others.

The concept of nonviolent communication (NVC) has been introduced in the late 80s by Marshall B. Rosenberg, PhD in clinical psychology. Influenced by Carl Rogers, whom he was a student of, Rosenberg has developed a method of interpersonal communication that is simple and structured to facilitate relationships and enhance them with empathy.

.

Avoid elements of violence in your communication:

The first step to communicate without violence is to avoid:

* Label: we classify a person in a category;
* Put Downs: we deny the qualities of another, or reality, attributing causes to the environment or the context;
* Reproach, or worse, insult: we assign to others the responsibility for our annoyance, anger, frustration …
* Merit: we condition action to reward or punishment;
* Comparison: we evaluate ourselves against other;
* Demands: we use verbs such as “have to”, “must” … or we use an accusing and threatening “you”.

.

The 4 Stages Of Nonviolent Communication:

Rosenberg breaks down the process of nonviolent communication in four stages: observation, feelings, needs, requests.

* Observation: “I observe a specific behavior that affects my well-being”

Firstly, observe what really happens in a given situation. What, in the other, contributes to my welfare or on the contrary to my irritation, even my aggressiveness? The key is to understand the situation by way of any order or any assessment.

* Emotion: “I react to this behavior with an emotion, feeling”.

This a phase to question our inner emotional state at the moment. Am I happy, sad, angry, etc.. ?

* Needs: “I identify the needs, desires, values that have awakened this feeling”.

This phase is about discovering the needs behind those feelings.
For example, a person who says “you never understand me,” expresses the fact that his need to be understood is not satisfied. The “non violent” expression of that need could be: “I do not feel sufficiently understood.” Similarly, a woman who delivered a reproach to her husband as a “you come home late every night,” expresses an unmet need for privacy or support.

* Requests: “I ask the other concrete actions that will contribute to my well-being”.

Awareness of these three components (which can be expressed or not) leads to clear and sincere communication. The time of expression is the “requests” stage.

In addition to this process that applies to oneself, MB Rosenberg enriched NVC with another dimension: empathy. It teached us to give time and space in the dialogue that the other needs to express himself and feel understood.

Non-violent communication is often presented as the method to follow the four steps above. But in fact, what is said is far less important than the intent with which it is. Because if the intention is that the other do what we want, it is not nonviolent communication. The intention, in fact, is a very different matter. Our intention is to create with one another a certain quality of energy that will ensure that the needs of both are satisfied and that everything they give to each other will be given willingly. When speaking with this consciousness, then the mechanics of the four steps is very useful. But if one believes one way or another that the other has a hidden purpose behind the use of this method, or possibly they are not as interested in our needs than in theirs, the mechanics will not help and will be useless.

To know more about NVC…
.
To receive our news and articles, subscribe to our Newsletter!
.